


closer to paradise

by maraudersourwolf



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Complicated Relationships, Denial of Feelings, Emotionally Repressed, Feelings Realization, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Esteem Issues, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, Unresolved Emotional Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-18
Updated: 2017-12-18
Packaged: 2019-02-16 11:37:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13053231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maraudersourwolf/pseuds/maraudersourwolf
Summary: He taste the lie on his lips and grimaces. He’s smarter than that.Sometimes he wants to be able to fool himself easily.





	closer to paradise

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ithinkwehaveanemergency](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ithinkwehaveanemergency/gifts).



> So this is my first Thiam fic ever.  
> If it sucks that’s pretty much why. 
> 
> And since it's my first one, I decided to make it a surprise gift for one of favorites authors in the Thiam fandom.  
> Senpai, I hope you like it!
> 
> Thanks to Cara, the light of my life, for doing a flawless work at beta’ing my shit, as always.  
> Dude, I love you!

 

The sand is cold and the night is swallowing down the little life that the beach had, but neither of them is moving. Liam is laying on his back, Theo’s sitting at his side. The tide slowly creeps up the shore and spreads under them, drenching every patch of fabric and every spot of skin.

There’s complete silence and Theo bites the side of his tongue in a null attempt to force himself to focus on something else instead of the soft and serene drum of Liam’s heatbeat.

He tries to think how did they even got here.

They were fighting, that’s for sure. They always fight. Over petty things, over big things. Over if one of them is breathing, over if one of them is not. Sometimes he lets himself be a fool and thinks that maybe everything is just a cheap excuse so they can have their hands on each other and not feel guilty about it. Sometimes the punches feel like kisses and the blood dripping is so warm that perhaps that’s how love really feels like. He taste the lie on his lips and grimaces. He’s smarter than that.

Sometimes he wants to be able to fool himself easily. But he wasnt raised to do that. He schemes, he plans ahead. This is fortituous. This is new ground for him. He’s still not sure if he adores it or despises it, no gray tones in between.

He tries in vain to connect the fight to this calm stance and quits all together once he understands there’s no way he can possibly do it. Both him and Liam go beyond understanding. The rules written down hold nothing on them, since they are playing a whole different game. One he doesn’t get. One he doesn’t really want to get at all.

There’s a clicking sound and Theo focuses on Liam again. The tense line in Liam’s jaw constrasting completely with the relaxed relaxed way he’s laying down, eyes roaming aimlessly at some point in the sky, far beyond. Theo wants to ask what he sees but there’s no way he can stop the sardonic venom dripping from his voice, so he decides to stay quiet. To enjoy. This moments isn’t his, but he doesn’t mind. He has taken worse things away from others.

He’s still wondering what Liam is seeing, what he’s thinking.

Neither of them have talked about their life before all the supernatural shitshow stumbled into their lives. Liam is Scott’s angry fueled beta, Theo’s the fucking psychopath chimera that’s so thirsty of power. Or was. He wants to fools himself into not knowing what drives him now . But that’s a lie. He knows, he just doesn’t want to aknowledge it.

Liam hasn’t moved a bit and Theo wonders how this would look to passerby, just two normal teenagers in the drenched sand of an empty shore. And how far from that they really are. Alchohol doesn’t do shit to their system and getting high lasts as long as an exhalation. This is the closest they could ever be to a normal teenager. This and death. Theo wonders if Liam misses his life before the bite. If he ever wanted to walk away, if he ever thought of death as a way out, if he ever fantasized of reality where he didn’t get the bite and everything was the way it was supposed to be for him. Everything is the way it was supposed to be but maybe it’s just a selfish thought on his part, Theo doesn’t know. He has been selfish plenty of times to start caring about it now.

He wants to know what’s roaming around in the beta’s head but he knows he’s in no place to ask, so he just watches.

The muscles in Liam’s chest expand and contract at every new breath and Theo feels like someone punched the air out of his lungs. He looks away, letting the mask he always has on fall down a bit. He’s tired, he’s exhausted. In the back of his head are memories of needles, burning liquid in his veins, endless surgeries and the smell of dread that he still doesn’t know how to cope with. Endless nightmares of Tara ripping out his heart. Her heart. His eyes are on the horizon where the sky meets the ocean in a green light. He takes one of his hands and puts it on his chest, feeling the heart there. Thumping secure, firm. Sometimes he gets this feeling that it’s being ripped apart even when he’s awake, but it’s in a totally different way. Instead of the cold embrace of putrid death making his insides ache, there’s something warm that makes the tips of his fingers tingle. He finds it unsettling. He finds it terrifying. But his heart is still there, so he lets that thought die.

Theo looks back just to find Liam’s eyes on him, pinning his soul in place. He looks back and marvels at how clear those eyes are now. There’s no rage, no hate, no disgust. No sign of the most feral side of the younger boy, wolf or not. Nothing of what Theo’s so used to being watched with. He wonders if maybe in the short time of staring at the night sky Liam erased any trace of him in his system. He finds himself thinking that it’s better being hated than being nothing. He can’t work with being nothing. Not now. But then there’s a soft smile on Liam’s face, with no fangs and no teeth. And there it is again, the warm constricted feeling of having his heart ripped out. For a second he fears that Liam will read everything in his eyes, but then the beta is shaking his head and his gaze has gone back to that distant point up ahead them both.

Theo’s still watching him.

There’s no one on the beach, the night has already engulfed almost every light. But it still seems clearer than his own soul. Tainted. Empty. Dark, so fucking dark.

And Theo keeps looking.

Maybe this is the closest he will ever have to paradise.

**Author's Note:**

> So I noticed that _I never linked the picture that started all this_
> 
> So here, for your enjoinment  
> https://adrenaline.tumblr.com/post/167883990793/by-tristan-petel


End file.
